Figments of Imagination

Been giving thought to the emptiness, the shadows of a being I dreamt up perfectly for me, it seems she doesn't exist, a figment of my imagination, stagnant. Immoveable. Lonely determination with lack of knowledge and education to obtain what I deserve and so I starve continually hungry for affection, for intimacy, for love, for a companion, but not just any warm body but someone perfect for me, someone who compliments my personality and I theirs, heirs together in spiritual royalty, I've asked God to bring her to me to reveal her to me, but those I see as potential are taken from from me, or far away geographically and I feel that though I should be a hot commodity I am pushed further back on the shelf like an outdated piece of grocery, a dented can, damaged goods, doomed to be trashed, I rehash my past and see the choices I've made, I see that path that I've laid, I see the mess that I've made, and now I sit in this dank Dark cave alone and afraid that she's not out there and this picture that I've painted in my head is the proof that I'm insane.